Home birth, part II

I'm doing a page break on this article to make skipping it easy if learning about home-birth is not your thing.  :)

Oh, and this post contains adult content.

Circumcision Apologetics

Author's Note. 2018:  We did not circumcise our fourth son.  We had complications our 3rd son's circumcision, both with a non-stellar job to begin with, and skin adhesions.  Nothing too extreme.  I still think that circumcision is not as barbaric as many in the natural parenting circles make it out to be.  I must confess that my #1 reason for wanting to want to circumcise was that I knew it was a big deal in the Old Testament.  As a post-Christian, that is no longer a deciding factor.  I respect parent's rights to make this choice for their child.

*****

Until now, I have left this delicate, controversial subject to other bloggers because I know what I have to say is against what most “natural parenting” blogs will tell you about circumcision, and frankly, it’s not an issue that I feel that passionate about, one way or the other.   My husband and I did our research, discussed it at reasonable length, and chose to have the procedure done on our two boys.  It’s a decision that I don’t regret.  I have friends who identify with the “intactivist” movement, and so I have been fairly low key about that decision up to this point.  However, I recently have decided that because my decision IS so different from most crunchy parents, I want to speak out and say what I feel needs to be said.

We decided to circumcise for a number of reasons.  None of them would be reason enough alone for our choice, but collectively they made a good enough case for us.  They include medical, hygiene, cultural (our family culture), aesthetic, and even to a small degree, religious reasons.  I really don’t want to hash those reasons out here, it was a personal choice and it’s not up for debate what we do in our family.  For that matter, it’s none of my business what you do in your family, and I respect your choice either way.

And that is really what this post is about, parental choice.

You see, I’m not passionate about circumcision, but I am passionate about a parent’s right to choose how to parent their child, and I don’t think it’s the government’s job to tell parents how to do it.  The recent attempt of San Francisco to ban circumcision is wrong, just as it was wrong of them to attempt to ban fast food restaurants from including small toys in their happy meals to make them more appealing to children.  The comparison of circumcision to unhealthy kid’s meals is not at all comparable as to the magnitude of that parental decision, but the bottom line is, what kind of society do we want to live in?  Our freedoms are being challenged on so many fronts and the principles of freedom are little understood by much of our population.

Parents make many choices for their children that will have a permanent effect on what kind of adults they grow up to be, and short of child abuse, parents need to be given the freedom to make those choices.  While their children are under their jurisdiction, parents need the freedom to decide between public, private, and homeschool.  They should be able to choose whether or not to vaccinate their kids.  They should be able to choose the diet their children will have, including breastmilk or formula.  They will choose the child’s religious behaviors and patterns.  They will decide what they will wear, where they will live, and who their friends will be.  They will make medical choices for their children.  Discipline, hygiene, etiquette, and family routine are all choices made by parents.  Parents love their children, know their children best, and MUST be trusted by society to make those choices for their children’s welfare.  Even if we decide not to circumcise our future boys, I will never support a ban on the practice because that’s not the kind of society I want to live in.  I’m glad that we no longer routinely circumcise our infants, and the 56% rate of the USA at this time is a testament to the fact that we really are free to choose for our children.

That’s the main point I wanted to make.

However, I have been a little obsessed with researching circumcision in preparation for this post, and there are a few items I want to address before closing.  The anti-circ crowd has some excellent reasons not to circumcise and they have been duly noted.  There is a part of me that wonders if we did the right thing.  The pro-circ crowd also makes many good points that have been reassuring to me.  On a scale of one to ten, ten being on the pro-circ side, my husband and I are about a 6.  I have read so much material from both sides, and have especially looked for testimonials from men who have had it both ways, as well as the attitudes of men who have never known the other way of things. 

First I want to clarify the difference between male circumcision and female genital mutilation (FGM), also often referred to as female circumcision.  Male circumcision refers to cutting off the foreskin.  FGM refers to cutting off the clitoris, and often, more.  Circumcised men have happy, healthy sex lives, and the Victorian idea that introducing its practice would stop masturbation was a complete flop.  Premarital sex didn’t change when circumcision was introduced.  FGM on the other hand DOES stop young women from masturbating.  In fact, it usually shatters any hope that the young woman will ever have an orgasm, ever.  Depending on what stage of FGM is performed, the young woman may have a difficult time ever becoming a mother as a result of FGM as well.  FGM on a boy would be like cutting off the whole head of the penis,  or even more!  In history, the best example of male genital mutilation that comes to my mind is the castrati singers (boys that were castrated so they would keep their boyish soprano voices).  I shudder when I recall that part of my music history education.  However, there is a medical equivalent of male circumcision in a girl, and it’s called hoodectomy, which is the removal of the clitoral hood, or female foreskin.  This procedure is becoming more popular here in the USA to successfully treat women with anorgasmia.  Hoodectomy is also sometimes performed for hygienic and aesthetic purposes.  This is the true equivalent to male circumcision; FGM truly is not.

Next, I address the “his body, his choice” argument.  As a parent, you have jurisdiction over that body while your son is under your care, and you will make many choices regarding that body during your years as his parent.  Circumcising your infant is a permanent decision, but you know what?  NOT circumcising your infant is a permanent decision too, as it is the only time in a boy’s life where the procedure can be done without stitches, and with the boy having no cognate memory of the procedure.  I have read testimonials of young men who resent that their parents circumcised them as a baby and are now undergoing foreskin restoration.  BUT!  I have also read many testimonials from men who were not circumcised as an infant and had a medical need later in life and they bemoan the fact that their parents didn’t circumcise them as an infant.  It’s terribly embarrassing to be circumcised while you are in Jr. High.  Men choose to be circumcised for all the other reasons as well, and love the results.  Furthermore, I have read testimonials from circumcised and intact men from birth who are very happy with their body.  The American Academy of Pediatrics neither recommends nor condemns infant circumcision, rightfully making it the parent’s choice. 

In closing I have what I hope will be comforting words for you as a parent, regardless of your choice.

If you choose NOT to circumcise, or, to use more friendly language, if you choose to leave your son intact, you have a growing number of supporters.   Your son will probably not have any issues in the locker room.  It isn’t medically necessary, and the chances of him getting a UTI, or any other diseases as a result of being left intact are very slim.  The foreskin does serve a purpose in protecting the penis head, and if your son decides he wants to be circumcised later in life, he can always make that choice later.      One word of advice, which you probably already know, is to clean only what is seen.  Don’t force the foreskin to retract before it is ready, and don’t let anyone else do it either!  Only the owner of the foreskin should make it retract.  Many of the “problems” people experience due to the foreskin are a result of prematurely pulling the foreskin back.  Other problems come from not keeping it clean, so teach your child to clean properly down there.  Be matter-of-fact about it and don’t obsess, and your son will have a healthy attitude about his foreskin.  There are many healthy, uncircumcised men out there and there is no reason to think that your son won’t grow up to become one of them.  Here is a good website that will give you information to validate your choice:  http://www.circumcision.org/

If you DO choose to circumcise, there are still a lot of supporters.  Regardless of what the other camp may say, there ARE medical benefits to being circumcised.  Having established that, the debate is whether or not those benefits warrant infant circumcision.  There are other factors that come into play as well, such as hygiene, religious, aesthetic, and cultural reasons, all of which individually can warrant your choice.  You are your son’s parent, and it is nobody’s business what you choose for your baby, or why.  There is a plethora of reasons to satisfy society that circumcision is okay.  For what it’s worth, all of the men in my family were circumcised as infants, and all of them are happy with it.  There are also males in my sphere of acquaintances who were circumcised past infancy and wish it was done when they were a baby.  I know this because they told me when I researched for our own sons.  My recommendation is to use anesthesia for your little boy though.  If they get a shot to numb the pain, PLEASE know that it takes five minutes for the litocaine to be affective, and that there are many doctors who get in a hurry and don’t wait.  That happened to my second son.  Now we know better.  Also, sugar water is an effective pain relief for infants.  My first son benefitted by having a sucker.  In the Jewish Bris ceremony, the infant is often given a kind of sweet wine that apparently is very soothing for the infant.    I will also add that one of the main complications from circumcision is skin adhesions, or skin bridges.  This is easy to prevent.  While your son is healing, gently pull the skin away from the penis head during every diaper change to make sure that the skin doesn’t stick to the wound.  In closing, circumcision is not just a failed experiment of the Victorian era, or a political error of modern America.  It has been practiced for thousands of years in cultures around the world.  Here is a good website that will give you information to validate your choice:  http://www.circlist.com/

Ultimately, while the debate rages on over the internet, the choice of what to do with your son’s foreskin is only one parenting choice.  I recommend that you do your research and make the choice and be done with it.  Don’t beat yourself up for a previous choice if you have changed your mind on the issue for your future sons.  There are pros and cons to both, and you have a lot of other things to consider in your parenting journey.  Good luck!

For now, I’m going to leave this debate and turn my thoughts to some of my other concerns as a mother.  For example, what’s for dinner tonight?

Legend of Korra and natural parenting

Warning:  This is a geeky post.  It's a side of me that hasn't been shared as much online, but everyone who knows me knows that I can get geeky over shows that I like.  For example, I used to wear a Star Trek communicator pin to high school, but that's a different story.

Any Korra fans out there?  It's the sequel to "Avatar: The Last Airbender".  My family loves it.  What an exciting season!  I'm not going to get into the details of what the show is about here, if you don't know, you can find out at nickelodeon if you are interested.  The purpose of my post is rather to compliment the show's quiet example of natural parenting that can be observed throughout the season.  In "The Last Airbender" we see a little bit of natural living when Katara helps a couple with an emergency natural birth in "The Serpent's Pass", as well as a few natural remedies when some of the characters get sick.  (okay, I don't know if sucking on a frozen frog counts, but there were other examples too).

But I digress again.  Let's look at Korra.  First, co-sleeping.  Apparently Meelo co-sleeps with his parents on a regular basis, as shown here:

And when Tenzin is away, the daughters join them, as shown here:

They are also a homeschooling family.  Granted, Tenzin is the only Air-bending master in the world, and his children are the only air-bending children, but everybody homeschools for different reasons.  The children are often present during Korra's training.

Now I give them kudos for the home birth.  Yes, you could argue it was an emergency homebirth since Air Temple island was under attack, but I think it was a planned homebirth.  (and yes, Republic City did have a hospital, we hear about that in the first episode.)  Pema's midwives did a great job reassuring her that her children were safe so she could concentrate on the birth.  I love this 3-second shot:

Here is Pema with Tenzin and Rohan shortly after:

The parents didn't hesitate to invite the siblings in so they could meet their new brother.  That was a tender moment.  (The only reason they look distressed is because more air ships are coming to attack them, but this is the best shot I could get of their family.)

Of course I don't own the rights to these pictures, but I think that I'm sharing them under fair use.  I really loved the quiet example of this highly popular television series, and I applaud them for it.  Thank you, Team Avatar for great writing and for entertaining my family.  We love your show.

Co-sleeping a family of 6

Many people have asked me how we fit our family in a two-bedroom home, especially when one room is my husband's office, so here is a vlog tour of our bedroom:


Quickly I would like to address two questions I get that aren't addressed in the video:

First, how do you and your husband get, ahem, some privacy?

Well, my children, once asleep, sleep very, very soundly.  Also, we're big fans of starfall.com.  Even before we had kids, we rarely went to bed or got up at the same time anyway, so it's not a big deal to us.

Second, why would you even want to do that?

Why not?  We save a lot of money by living in a smaller home, and we're living in a nice town-home where the kids have a lot of room to play outside, we don't have to worry about yardwork, and our home feels modern and new, but is well within our price-range.  It's easier to clean a smaller home.  While I am attracted to the green small/tiny home movement, the truth is, this is just what works well for our family right now.  I'm not saying every family should do this by any means, nor am I a die-hard co-sleeper.  I simply love co-sleeping, so it works for our family.  My husband has a nice office to himself, as well as his "man-cave" out in the garage to do his projects, so he is happy.

The take-away lesson from this post is whatever you want it to be.  Maybe you like our triple bunk bed that my husband made with plans from bunkbedsunlimited.com.  Great.  Maybe you like the idea of storing clothing all in one place and cutting back the laundry beast.  Cool.  Maybe you're just entertained by our parenting style, and the chaos that comes with it.  I'm good with that.  Thank you for watching!

Breastfeeding in Church

This is something that I’ve had on my mind a lot lately, especially with the recent birth of my fourth child, and I need to share my story.  But first, I’m going to blatantly rip content from other woman’s blog and look at a few pictures from ldsbreastfeedingart.blogspot.com.

On the left in front of the wagon wheel a mother is nursing her toddler.  (C.C.A. Christensen)

Full zoom:

In the Cardston, Alberta temple, there are three nursing mothers in this painting:

The Seagull Monument at Temple Square:

"Father Lehi Blesses His Posterity" by C.C.A. Christensen on display in Palmyra, NY:

Here is one I found when I was reading the Book of Mormon scripture reader to my kids, in the chapter about Enos:

 

The church does not frown on breastfeeding in public among mixed company.  This picture, so recently published in a children's book, confirms to me that children need not be shielded from watching the baby eat.

Now look at what the church has to say about breastfeeding:

From "A Parent's Guide":

The scriptures often refer respectfully but plainly to the body and its parts. There is no embarrassment and often there is sacred symbolism. It is the world that makes the divinely created body an object of carnal lust. For example, it makes the female breasts primarily into sexual enticements, while the truth is that they were intended to nourish and comfort children. It promotes male sexual aggression in contrast to Christ’s example of tenderness, long-suffering, kindness, and steadfastness in the home.

Shame about the human body, its parts and purposes, is justified only when a person uses it for carnal purposes. Teach your children that they will find joy in their bodies when they use them virtuously after the manner taught by Christ.

From "Nutrition for Mother and Baby" from The Latter-day Saint Woman: Basic Manual for Women, Part A

Our Heavenly Father made the mother’s body so it could produce milk. This milk is made especially for human babies to drink. It is better for babies than milk from animals. The first fluid that comes from the mother’s breasts after a new baby is born is also important. It contains substances that help protect the baby from diseases for the first few months.

Now, backing up, I share my breastfeeding story:

When my first child was born, I was excited to go back to church when he was two weeks old.  I was still learning how to breastfeed comfortably, I was breastfeeding on demand (which, for a newborn, means OFTEN), and it was my first time going out in public.  During sacrament meeting, my baby cried, so what do I do?  I take him to the mother’s lounge.  Like many LDS church buildings, this nice little room was adjacent to the women’s bathroom.  It had a nice cabinet with a sink, two comfy rockers, and a speaker so I could still hear what was going on in the meeting.  I fed my baby and decided I would stay and have him all ready to go by the time I went to Sunday school.  No problem.  Well, as my hungry baby would have it, I ended up missing half of Sunday school anyway, as well as Relief Society.  (grunt.)

The next week the same thing happened again during sacrament meeting, only this time another breastfeeding mother joined me.  I like to chat, and I have been as guilty as any other mom of chatting in the mother’s lounge, but this week it was frustrating to me because I wanted to hear the meeting but I also didn’t want to be rude.  In the end I asked my husband for the cliff notes after church.  In Sunday school, I looked around to see what other mothers were doing with their babies.  I saw a lot of bottles, and I thought to myself, “these mothers are lucky because they can feed their babies right here in class.”  (Yes, I really thought that, as I left for the mother’s lounge.  Again).

Then during relief society, I saw something that gave me a paradigm shift in the way I look at breastfeeding in public.  A mother that I highly admire, who had five children of whom the last was born about the same time as my first, was making a comment.  As she spoke, her baby started fussing, and she latched him on.  She was confident.  She was sitting in the first row.  The teacher simply acknowledged the comment and went on with her lesson.  Nobody seemed uncomfortable.  WOW!  You mean, I could feed my baby right here in class?

When I went home I thought about it, and realized that I had a choice to make.  Like this woman who set such a great breastfeeding example to me, I wanted to have a large family.  If I was only going to have one or two children, then maybe spending all of my nursing time (sometimes half of church) in the mother’s lounge wouldn’t be that big of a deal.  I didn’t want just one or two kids.  I could bring a bottle during church.  Breastfeeding is important to me, and I believe that it is important to feed my babies when they are hungry.  So, looking ahead for the next 15+ years of childbearing, I could either spend my church time in the mother’s lounge, or I could do my feedings right there in class.

I started out only sitting in the back row of Relief Society (a class for women 18 and up).  Nobody judged me, and one older woman even pulled the blanket aside a little so she could see my little angel’s face and tell me how cute he was.  As bold as her action was, it empowered me as a mother.  There was nothing to be ashamed of.

Now, less than five years later as I nurse my fourth baby, I feel very confident nursing at church.  I have three small children that need me to be there during sacrament meeting to help them be reverent.  My husband has only two hands.  I NEED to be with them.  Only once has anyone at church shown their disapproval of my breastfeeding in class, but the overwhelming majority of members have been very supportive.

A note on the mother’s lounge

I am glad that there are mother’s lounges.  When I was learning how to breastfeed, it was invaluable to me. However, in the two wards that I have been in, you have to go through the bathroom to get to the mother’s lounge.  Not only that, it is also one of only two places set aside for mothers to change diapers.  (in my current ward, the other place is upstairs, and few know about it).  In both, there are two rockers.  I have been fortunate enough to be in wards with young families with more than two lactating mothers.  In fact, my little baby Ruth has two other babies that were born the same week as her.  Surely all of these young babies shouldn’t have to only eat in the smelly changing room.  Do people really expect that?  I once went in there to change a diaper, and there were three nursing mothers, two of whom had nursing covers on.  One baby pushed it off and the mother apologized for showing a little skin.  I immediately responded, “It’s okay.  Really.  If you can’t nurse in the mother’s lounge, where can you?  How many of us have done costume changes in a room full of other women without batting an eye.  You are with other breastfeeding moms, and feeding your baby is nothing to be ashamed of.”  Maybe I was a little too bold, but I did see a few thinking caps turned on.

The mother’s lounge is a great place to breastfeed, or bottle feed, for that matter.  It’s not the only place.  Nursing covers are great if they make the mother feel more comfortable.  You don’t have to use them, especially in the mother’s lounge.  I personally try to make my skin be discreet, but it’s no secret that I feed my baby during all of the meetings.  I wear my baby in a wrap, and that’s what I use to hide my skin when I feed my child.  That’s just what works for me.  Perhaps some members have seen some skin, but I'm okay with that.

The LDS church is a family friendly establishment.  Most churches are.  We believe that we should multiply and replenish the earth, and we believe that breast is best.  Feed your baby what the Christ-child ate.  It's okay to feed your soul at the same time.

Okay, I’m ready to get off my soap box now.

Further reading:

Modesty and breastfeeding (highly recommended!)

Breastfeeding history moment-lds

Maria lactans: Mary as a Nursing Mother (lots of art!)

Once more into the breach, dear friends

Lets flesh this out-Breastfeeding and the Bible 

Breastfeeding in Church

Breastfeeding in public- the beach

Chicken Pox isn't so bad

About a month ago my husband showed me a small red dot behind my daughters ear.  And another.  And a few more on her stomach.

She definitely had the chicken pox.

It was 5:30 on a Saturday evening.  I grabbed my Herbal Home Health Care book by Dr Christopher and quickly ran to Shangri La before they closed at 6:00.  I stocked up on herbs, namely Yarrow, Peppermint tea, and Catnip tea.  Comfrey and red raspberry leaf was already stocked in our kitchen.

My 2-year-old didn't seem to suffer much from it; her case was mild besides a nasty pox on her eyelid and a couple in her genitals.  The herbs definitely helped, and she quickly learned to request them by name.  We gave her an herbal bath by pouring yarrow into a nylon stocking and tying it off and giving it to her to play with.  Comfrey powder was also dumped into the bath.  She loved the comfrey because it was very soothing for her.  The yarrow helps the body sweat to get rid of the toxins.  Don't suppress the disease, get it out!

We tried to give her herbal tea with peppermint and red raspberry leaf, sweetened with honey, but she wouldn't drink it.

The other thing we did to help her was give her a warm catnip tea enema.  Yes, an enema.  Why?  The bowels are designed to quickly absorb liquid, and an enema is one of the quickest ways to deliver an herb to where the body needs it.  Yep, we did that.  It really wasn't that bad.

The hardest part was waiting for the inevitable 2nd round to hit my boys.  Merry Christmas everybody, we're staying home.

On Christmas eve, it happened.  Both my 4-year-old and my 1-year old broke out together.  Peter loved telling everyone that he got chicken pox for Christmas.  My one year-old is breastfeeding, so I wondered if he would get it at all, but I'm confident that he had a bad enough case to develop an immunity.

This second round was worse than the first.  My husband's boss told Michael that chicken pox is said to have a weak round and then a strong round, so if you are going to try to get it, get it from someone who has it bad.  Maybe that's true.  I think it is more likely that Helen's case was mild for OUR family, and the virus that she spread to the boys had learned to overcome some of our family's immune system.

Again, the herbs were brought out and the oh-so-fun tea baths came for the children.  My older son drank his tea and talked us out of the enemas.  For a couple of days they both slept most of the day, and drank juice to their heart's content.  A homeschooling family through and through, we watched YouTube videos explaining what chicken pox is, and how it doesn't come from chickens.  We learned what childhood diseases are, and why they will never have chicken pox again.  Peter is excited that his immune system is stronger now.

A note on the chicken-pox vaccine.  Assuming it worked, my children would have had to have booster shots for the rest of their life to avoid getting chicken pox.  I know families who vaccinated against the pox during childhood only to get horrible cases when they were teenagers.  The younger you are when you get it, the better.  My 4-year-old had it much worse than my 1-year old, and 4 is still pretty young to be getting it.  I am VERY glad that I had chicken pox in my youth because I'm pregnant now, and I could pass it on to my unborn baby if I caught it now.  My husband didn't need the chicken pox booster shot when he went on his mission because he had it as a child.

Was chicken pox fun?  No, of course not.  But they survived!  It wasn't terrible!  It's better than getting poked with a needle several times during your life, or worse, getting it when you are older.  The worst part for my children was the quarantine, especially during the holidays.  However, we had a cozy Christmas as a family, and it was really nice to slow things down for a change.

For my next child, I will keep my eye out for chicken pox parties for her.  This is especially true as I have more children.  It would have been really nice for all three of them to get the chicken pox together and get it over with all at once.  Finding pox parties can be difficult.  I announced the opportunity on facebook, etc, but Christmas is poor timing for most people who would otherwise have been interested.  That's okay.  Good luck, parents out there.  If your kids do have the chicken pox, don't be afraid to let other people know.  If you are willing, host a party.  Yes, some people gawk at the idea of a party, but there are just as many people who are itching (pun intended) to get their child permanently immune.

Chicken pox doesn't have to be a big deal.  It is fairly easy for all but the weakest immune systems to overcome.  Overcoming a genuine disease strengthens the immune system when tougher viruses come around.  Herbs can greatly diminish the discomfort.  As my children's scabs finish healing, I am grateful that they have passed through this trial, and that they have stronger bodies because of it.  I wouldn't have it any other way.

Well!  Now that that's over, and our visiting extended family in January to exchange gifts is all through, maybe my life will get back in order and I can start blogging again!  That's the plan...  :)

Homemade powdered laundry soap

The short version:

• 1 cup borax
• 1 cup washing soda
• 1 bar of Dr. Bronner's peppermint castile soap, shredded.

Mix ingredients, use 1/8 cup (2 tablespoons) per load.

The longer version: (i.e., why I love it!)
 
I have been making laundry soap for a few years now, and originally I used this recipe.
Because all of the ingredients were low-sudsing, it has worked great in our HE washer.  And it's CHEAP!  Recently we have been re-evaluating our laundry choices because of the Borax ingredient.  Do a search for "dangers of borax" and you can see what I am talking about.  I did a search for "homemade laundry soap without borax" and came up with a recipe that uses Dr. Bronner's castile soap.  I grew up using his castile liquid soap for hand soap, and I love the way that it smells.  What is castile soap?  It is an old fashioned way of making soap with vegetable fats instead of animal fats.  It is real soap!  No synthetic ingredients.  Here are the ingredients for the bar soap we use, which I took off of Dr. Bronner's page:
INGREDIENTS:
Organic Coconut Oil*, Organic Palm Oil*, Sodium Hydroxide**, Water, Mentha Arvensis*, Organic Olive Oil*, Organic Hemp Oil, Organic Jojoba Oil, Organic Peppermint Oil*, Salt, Citric Acid, Tocopherol
* CERTIFIED FAIR TRADE INGREDIENTS
** None remains after saponifying oils into soap and glycerin

I feel REALLY good about using coconut oil to wash our clothes!  Some people love how Fels-Naptha smells.  I really don't.  Ivory worked just fine for us.  But this stuff smells like heaven!  During my use of this batch, our clothes have come out cleaner, with just a hint of peppermint in our regular loads.  But the best part is when I use it for my cloth diapers.  No, they don't come out smelling like peppermint, BUT they actually don't stink while they are washing.  Previously in our new apartment, where the washer is so close to the kitchen, I would wait until we went to bed to put the diapers in the wash, or at least right after a meal so that we could evacuate the premises during the stinky "necessary evil".  Now I can wash diapers whenever I want, and I don't have to apologize when company comes.  You can achieve similar results by adding essential oils to your laundry soap.  However, I love that the oils are built into the soap.  I really enjoyed grating this bar.  :o)  In addition to peppermint, they have almond, baby mild, orange, lavender, eucalyptus, rose, and tea tree.  Some are better than others for laundry, but they would all be fun to try! 

My take on Borax
I have also decided that I personally don't mind using Borax for our family to wash with.  I talked to my mother about it, and she told me a story that she recently heard about a man who read who was told all of the dangerous things about the light-bulbs that he was using, in favor of a more natural light bulb.  He responded, "Thank you for this valuable information.  I will now stop grinding up my light-bulbs and putting them in my coffee."  Borax is a detergent, and a natural one.  When my soap-making friends do their magic, they wear safety goggles and gloves.  The scary things that have been written about borax have convinced me not to make slime with it to play with my children, but my family has benefitted from using borax for generations, and none of us have had birth defects or fertility problems.  Use the product as directed and use common sense!   My initial response to the fact that borax is illegal in certain parts of Europe is that Comfrey is illegal to sell for consumption here in the states.  Europe is as vulnerable to shady legislation as the states.  Perhaps this is a soap-box moment from an un-educated scientific background, and so be it.  I don't have time to become an expert.  Borax is cheap.  Borax is effective.  Borax works for my family.  Besides, the only people who have told me how dangerous borax is are people who were trying to sell me their laundry detergent.

This homemade powdered laundry soap is very green, especially when you think about all of the plastic containers that I'm not buying.  All of my ingredients are purchased in paper.  It also saves a lot of green.  And yes, it really does get your clothes clean.  I am just glad that I don't have to boil the soap over water and let it soak overnight anymore.  Grate the soap, mix the ingredients, and you are done!  Enjoy!

 Please note:  I was not paid in any way to for my endorsement of Dr. Bronner's products, or from borax and washing soda manufacturers.  This really is just a happy customer blogging about a cool product.

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Cranial Sacral Therapy

Today I wanted to share a little miracle that has happened in our home due to cranial sacral therapy.  When my daughter was about a month old, we noticed that her head was not perfectly symmetrical.  It was like one half of her head had slid forward a little bit

We asked the doctor about it at a well baby visit and he admitted that her head was a little off, but that "we" only worry when the back of the head is flat from laying in one position too long.  Young children grow out of other shape descriptancies, we were told.  I knew better.  I had heard of cranial sacral therapy before and my gut told me that we should seek a practitioner out.  However, for some reason we didn't.  Days turned into weeks and months, and as my daughter grew, her head remained off-centered.

When my third child was born last September, our midwife told us that we needed to take him to a chiropractor.  While we were there, my husband asked him if he knew anything about cranial sacral therapy.  He asked if he thought our daughter, then 18 months, could benefit from treatments.  Luckily, our chiropractor also does cranial sacral therapy, and he told us that she could definitely benefit from treatments.

At first we took her in every week, and progress was quickly made.  Now we are taking her in every other week for minor adjustments.  To be clear, my daughter was not at all deformed, or unusually weird looking.  Nor was she mentally or physically handicapped in any way.  Her grandparents never noticed that her head was off-center.  I suppose that as parents you do.  These pictures sort of show the results, but we never took any pictures from the top of her head, where the before and after pictures would have been more effective.  Nevertheless, this is the best I can do:

Picture taken last May, before any treatments.

Picture taken in December after twelve sessions.

 

I have heard of some amazing miracles that have happened because of cranial sacral work done on children.  It's worthy of a google search.  For our daughter, the miracle was simply to have a balanced face.  That alone is significant!  There were no helmets to wear.  There was no invasive surgery.  In fact, there has been no discomfort for our daughter at all.  She grins from ear to ear during her 15-minute sessions.  Dr. Crawford told us that in his experience, children are in tune to what their body needs.  They know that the pressure is helping them.  Some of the pressure that he has applied to her head has been very strong, but my daughter has never objected.  When I watch him work on her, I can't help but ponder as to why therapies like these are so controversial.  My daughter loves it.  The effects of her treatment are visually measurable.  Her beauty has blossomed in the last four months.  Is this not a testament that the treatment is good?

My purpose in writing this is to help create awareness for the therapy.  I also encourage parents who are maybe sitting on the fence (like we were, out of sheer laziness) to seek a practitioner to help your child.  We were lucky that we started treatment while she was still young.  It would have much harder if not impossible to see these kind of results if we had waited until she was 10 or 15 years old.  I know that as parents we have a special intuition for the needs of our children, and that when we follow through with those promptings, the blessing will follow.

Is it a boy or a girl?

As my body blatantly advertises the upcoming birth, this is the question that friends, family, and complete strangers use to strike up a conversation. My response? "That's what we're hoping for."
It was not that long ago that discovering the gender of your baby was something that happened at birth. Now our society expects an early discovery through the technology of ultrasounds. Those who ask me if we know what we're having are all well-wishers and I appreciate their attention to my belly. My comment here is about the overall shift our society has taken. It is interesting that the general population expects me to know what I'm having before it happens.
Guess what? I don't know. I have never had an ultrasound, actually, and I'm planning on having a home birth like I did with my first two. Casually answering this way has been a great "missionary" tool for homebirth. It is non-confrontational, and creates awareness that there are other ways to give birth, and that somewhat normal looking people like myself are choosing it. If they are curious to find out more, they now know that I am someone that they can talk to, but there is no pressure for them to reply with anything but, "Ah, I see."
In the meantime, I have now washed all of our neutral clothing, and there are boy and girl clothes standing by, waiting to be added as appropriate to the baby wardrobe after the birth. Peter is hoping for a boy.

Breastfeeding

Last week was international breastfeeding week, and as I was thinking about it, I realized that I have never shared any of my breastfeeding experiences on this site. I plan on writing an article about it soon, but today I wanted to just tell you the introduction I usually give at my local LLL meeting.
I was always planning on breastfeeding, and took it for granted that it was something that most mothers just did. After a few bumps along the way, I did have a successful experience breastfeeding my oldest. Shortly before his first birthday, I went to a workshop about extended breastfeeding, and it was my first exposure to the concept. After doing my research, I decided that I would continue to breastfeed him, even though I was planning on getting pregnant again soon. At his first birthday party, we announced to our family that we were expecting our second, and I breastfed Peter until he was 27 months old. We gave him a "Halloweaning Party" which coincided with giving him his violin.
Tandem nursing was successful with Peter and Helen, but when she was about 6 months old, my milk supply started to be compromised, and I had reached the two-year mark, which for me personally was the goal. I had planned on continuing to breastfeed Helen for that long as well, but I became pregnant sooner with her, and when she was 13 months old and I started my second trimester, she decided one day that she was done, and was very adamant about not breastfeeding, so she was weaned at that age. I had mixed feelings about it, but every time I tried to feed her, she bit me and crawled away, so my persistence did not last long.
Now I'm looking forward to breastfeeding my third child in a few weeks. I kind of miss it!
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Natural remedy for cuts and bruises

Recently we discovered an excellent natural remedy that we have used in our home a few times and it really works. Mix half-and-half comfrey powder and cayenne, then add enough honey to make it a sticky goo, then place on the cut or bruise. The comfrey helps the skin heal, the cayenne will stop the bleeding, or help with blood circulation for bruises, and the honey, especially if it's raw honey, will act as a disinfectant.
We used this when my husband bruised his leg up doing Kung Fu. We put the mixture on a large bandage and covered the worst part of the wound. The next day, it was almost comical how the part that was covered with the remedy was almost completely healed and the rest of the bruise had gotten worse.
We also used it on my son's cut, and the bleeding stopped almost immediately. I tested the cayenne on my own wound to verify that it wouldn't sting, and it didn't, so I felt comfortable using it on him. Now when he wants to be "Dr. Peter", he tells me that he wants comfrey and cayenne to heal people.

Cloth Diapers

One Philosophy for Cloth Diapers

In today’s economy, people are trying to cut back on their expenses. For families with tiny children, the issue of cloth diapers comes into play. Technology has drastically improved the process of cloth diapering, and there are significant savings to be had. We estimate that with two children in diapers, we are saving about $45 a month when all is said and done. Some people have challenged us on that figure saying that it would be more if we used name brands like Huggies or Pampers, but I don’t think that it would be a real figure, because if we were using disposables, we would be purchasing off-brand diapers, and so the $45 a month is a true figure for us. This takes into account the extra laundering costs as well as the initial investment in the cloth diapers. The actual savings vary from family to family, depending on what kind of diapers you use, how many children use the diapers, and how often you use cloth verses disposables. In our home, we like to think of disposable diapers as akin to disposable dishes, convenient for special occasions, but not for every-day use.



There are several options available for cloth diapering. diaperpin.com offers very valuable information on the subject. The method we prefer is to use Chinese prefolds combined with covers. The one disadvantage to the Chinese prefolds is that Peter outgrew the smaller size at around 4 months and didn't really fit into the larger size until he was 6 months, so we used flat diapers in that period in between, which wasn't terrible, but it involved more folding. Now we use the flats as back-up. Helen is 6 months and we have managed to keep using the prefolds with her. The covers are where we have spent the bulk of our cloth-diapering budget, but they are so much more convenient than plastic pants, we feel that it is money well spent. We like the Bummies wraps for covers, and after trying both we prefer the velcro over snaps. I hear that Thirsties and Nappies are also very nice. We bought all of our diapers from clothdiaper.com We have ordered from them six times and have always gotten our order very quickly. Their prices were by far the best we could find on the internet.

Reasons to choose cloth

There are so many different factors that influence the choice of how to diaper your children. Rather than address the debate head on, I will simply share the factors that influenced our decision to use cloth.

• Cost We save about $45 a month. Actual figures vary.
• Going Green Cloth diapers are better for the environment.
• Diaper Rash The verdict is out on this one, but we experience less diaper rash when we use cloth because it is much easier to know by touch when a diaper needs to be changed, and children are more likely to express a need to be changed when they can feel it.
• Potty Training Although I have seen no statistics, there seems to be a general consensus that it is easier to potty train children who wear cloth.
• Elimination Communication Cloth diapers are very useful for this technique.
• High quality I love switching back to cloth after a trip. We have fewer leaks and problems when we use cloth.
• Emotional reasons It is not all about logic. Saving money and being green feels good. The covers are cute and make me smile. I just love using cloth!

Of course there are reasons to not cloth diaper too. If you are debating the switch, make your own pros and cons list and go from there.

Folding Cloth Diapers

Laundering

There are almost as many ways to wash the diapers as there are people who use cloth diapers. Some of them are explained at The Diaper Hyena. We knew that we wanted to use cloth diapers before we became parents, so we invested in a washing machine that has a heat sanitizing option. What a great investment that was! I would go so far as encouraging you to do cloth diapers as an excuse to get a new washing machine. We also use the sanitize option with our towels and mildewed clothing and it works wonders. Aside from taking care of the inevitable number twos (which are greatly diminished through elimination communication ), laundering cloth diapers is a breeze. Of course, there is the issue of needing to close the laundry room door while they are being washed. They don’t always smell pretty!

Cloth diapering accessories

Two words: The Snappi. The snappis come highly recommended over diaper pins! They're so easy to use, and the older women in my congregation who have seen me use them are jealous that they didn't have them when they had their little ones. I just place the baby on the diaper, fold in both sides, wrap over their bottom, and then I unfold it at the top and fasten with the snappi. Wet bags There are cute washable bags out there to put soiled diapers in while you’re on the go. We just use a gallon sized zip-lock bag. We recycle bags we have used for food. I like having a sealed bag because it cuts back on odor and keeps surrounding things clean.
Mini-showers Also known as bidets, they attach onto your toilet and spray clean water. I want one!
Cloth wipes At first I used disposable wipes I had received at baby showers, but I found that cloth wipes are much easier to use with cloth diapers because you don not have to separate them when you’re done. They just go in the pail with the diapers! You can buy them, but we have found that torn up white T-shirts work great.

General Comments

I have to confess that we do use disposables with my son at night. At around 18 months he became a deep sleeper at night, and although he usually wakes up dry, when he doesn’t he was getting a diaper rash. This problem stopped when we put disposables on him at night. Also, my husband tells me that if anything were to ever happen to me, he would immediately switch to disposables because he doesn’t want to wash them. I am okay with this. There are advantages to disposable diapers too, and I like to use them when we travel because I don’t want to wash them on the go. I listed my emotions as a reason to use cloth diapers. Emotional reasons are also a valid reason to not cloth diaper. But I love cloth diapers, and I know many other people who do. They have come a long way from the flat diapers, pins, and plastic pants that were traditionally used. Cloth diapering can be a lot of fun! My advice would be to look into it with an open mind and decide if it is something that could benefit your family and your circumstances.

Co-sleeping

Yes, there is no crib.
We are co-sleeping.

Why is there no crib? It is the question many have when they enter our bedroom or the nursery, and find this normal childhood furniture absent (not that I am in the habit of bringing all of our house guests into our bedroom!) I had always planned on co-sleeping as my mom and mother-in-law both did it with their kids, and it seemed to make sense.
Then I started reading those free baby magazines that continually tell you why co-sleeping is can be very dangerous, and with this new enlightenment, I changed my mind. Peter was born, and he slept in a cradle next to the bed. I was constantly waking up to check on him, even when he was peacefully sleeping. I regretted that he was so far away. The arrangement didn’t sit quite right with me. Every time I woke up to soothe my crying baby, I second guessed myself. Then I reasoned that at least for naptime, it would seem to be safe. So I did, and I immediately realized how aware I was of his breathing and of his needs, and before he was a week old, we began bedsharing at night. I got a lot more sleep this way, and Peter seemed to be more happy too. I finally had the energy to be alive again. For me, bedsharing was the defining moment for my recovery from childbirth.
“This must be right,” I told myself, “there must be something very right about this.” I searched for research to validate my decision. I didn’t have to look very far. William Sears, one of Americas leading pediatricians, has always been a proponent of co-sleeping. Here is an article by Dr. Sears about co-sleeping. If you do any research at all on co-sleeping, you are bound to find the name of James McKenna, a man who has extensively researched bedsharing and whether or not it is safe. This website shares many articles and videos sharing his research. I also read his book, Sleeping with Your Baby: A Parent's Guide to Cosleeping , and found all of the validation I needed to be confident in my decision. So now, I'm very happy to be co-sleeping, and I think it's a very good choice for our family.

Breakfast in bed? The benefits for breastfeeding

There are three different kinds of mammals, and nature provides special milk for each. There are nesting mammals like puppies and kittens who can be left for hours as the mother gathers food. They are often born blind, hairless, and quite helpless. A nesting animal goes to the nest, not the mother, when danger arrives. Then there are animals who walk from birth like horses, elephants, and cattle whose needs are different. Thirdly there are “parent clingers”, those who are carried, who stay close to their mother and are highly dependant on their parents for safety. They nurse often.The truth is that mankind are part of this last category, and our babies need constant physical touch and nourishment. Co-sleeping is very conducive to meeting our babies needs. A breastfed baby will eat three times as much at night when they bed-sharing is practiced. We are more quickly able to pick-up on our babies cues when we are close by. Crying is one of the very last cues a baby will give when hungry, but it can be the last one we register when the baby is in a crib, especially if the baby sleeps in another room. The baby is upset and needs to be calmed down, in addition to being fed. When a baby sleeps next to its mother, other cues are given first, and mother and child go back to sleep much more quickly. I have a personal story to share that reflects this truth. My husband took a nap with our little daughter once, and as I worked in the other room I heard my husband call me. She was snuggling up with him, smiling, and playing with his face, which, in spite of the annoyance of his interrupted slumber, was quite endearing. After all, she is a cute little girl. “What does she want?” he asked, and I replied that she was hungry. “Really?” Indeed she was, and I learned to appreciate my ability to respond to he needs so quickly.
I have never had a sleepless night with Helen. From the beginning I recovered quickly as I got that precious sleep I needed, and I have a very happy baby. The only sleepless nights I had with Peter were the first few nights before I brought him into bed with me. Much of that is because of the security my children and I have knowing that we are in close proximity, but much of it is also because when they are hungry, they are fed faster, and neither of us have to fully wake up in order to meet those needs.

Co-sleeping with older children

Co-sleeping is when your children sleep in the same room as you, and is often thought to be synonymous with bed-sharing, which is what we do with our daughter. Peter is a pretty wild sleeper, and a few months before Helen was born, he started sleeping on a mattress on the floor in our room. This is actually a Montessori thing. It can help children feel independent because they have easier access to their bed. Also, falling off the bed is much safer. He goes to sleep after I nurse him, then I slip off to my own bed. The transition took a few months of my laying next to him and singing to him from my own bed to comfort him before he was comfortable with it. I didn’t want to ever make him cry it out, and I’m grateful that we found what was for us, a safe, and gentle transition. We went through a few bumps again when our second child was born. When he wakes up in the middle of the night, I sometimes lie next to him until he goes to sleep again, but usually I can offer comforting words from the comfort of my bed. At 25 months, bedtime is a solid routine, and he looks forward to it because he knows that he gets mommy’s milk at bedtime. He literally runs to the bed. It is very endearing. Overall, the mattress on the floor has worked well for us. Still, maybe I can talk my husband into putting a king-sized bed in our savings plan. We all slept in one when we visited Grandma and Grandpa, and I really liked it. I’m a big fan of the family bed.

The peace of mind afforded

I have heard stories about earthquakes or house fires, and co-sleeping made it easier for the parents to protect their children, even saving their lives. In the unlikely event of a natural disaster, it would indeed be very handy to have our children close, but for me the peace of mind that it brings me is worth even more. As a newborn I could hear my baby breathing. I can check on my son by a quick glance. Then I go back to sleep. If anyone broke in to our house, kidnapping without facing the wrath of papa and mama bear is quite unlikely. I can’t put a price on the comfort co-sleeping brings me. Recently I was scared because the storm door was open and it woke me up when the storm rattled it in the middle of the night. I woke up my husband and together we investigated. He wondered if the sound had come from the fireplace, and he whacked his head on the bird cage giving him a gash, and terrifying our poor bird. I felt so bad, but was grateful to find the sound’s source. I was still nervous when we went to bed, and I know I would have had a very difficult time going back to sleep if my children weren’t close by. In the morning I was able to laugh at the event, but there in the middle of the night I kissed my little girl and confirmed my desire to keep my children close.